I have nothing but praise for the people who worked with me during my rehabilitation. They are all heroes to me! But that doesn’t alter the fact that it is very often a painful, humiliating experience for the patient, and that they inevitably sometimes experience it as embarrassing and shameful. The following is perhaps the most painful of all the pieces I wrote back then.
UZ Gasthuisberg, March 2017
Naked, I stand at the wash basin.
There is a mirror. I know that, but it’s useless to me, because my glasses are on the shelf to my right.
Just behind me stands a therapist, a young lady, but of course I can’t see her.
Behind me, to my right-hand side, is a student, a young man, who’s clearly not used to this kind of situation yet.
With the necessary assistance I start to wash myself. Face, arms, stomach, further down, legs.
“And now,” she asks, “what are you going to do now?”
I don’t say anything, because I suddenly can’t remember.
So she asks the question again.
I panic a little because I don’t know the answer.
How is it possible, after so many years of problem-free wash basin use, that I don’t know the next step?
I’m ashamed of myself.
And I hope I know the answer tomorrow.
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